Laying here, in my usual bed, though not in my usual day, I feel as though I am driving off a cliff. Reached to the lowest point of my life like falling through the dark, not knowing when I am going to hit the ground. I don't even have the energy to jot down what I thought, not knowing what and from where to start. But deep inside I have so many thoughts, it's just that whenever I try to write it down, it disappear. At times I see myself looking for reasons to why I feel so low and so stressed out.
I may not have the perfect family to begin with but I bet I atleast have the most loving, funny, caring and understanding friend group. Just so wonderful! Wait, I made a mistake, they may not be the perfectionists, because we are none of us perfect. Even with the wonderful group of my people, I could never share how I feel inside, suppressing my thoughts and feelings all to myself, letting myself get choked with the thoughts, torturing my blurry eyes not to tear down, bitting my lips so that I don't sob infront of them or while I am with them.
Sometimes, I find myself tearing up, envisioning confiding everything that troubles me to my friends, only to hesitate when thoughts of potential exploitation or abandonment arise. I worry about being judged, whether consciously or not. But whether I step out of my comfort zone or not, I always put my friends first no matter what, no matter who and if these group of people don't reciprocate my priority in anyway than I am done, I can never think of any betrayal from those people.
I am sure my thoughts are unorganized but my friends are and am so thankful to each and every one of them to the date. If my friends are reading this, know that you come first, you're my priority. I may not share what I am going through but I will definitely share all the happiness together!
