Crises within!

I feel a weight on my heart, so I had to manage to flex my blog so that I can reduce my weight. I had lost most of the love I once had for my siblings and that's the moment that my heart dropped. I mean how could one be lacking in little bit of understanding. I couldn't believe my brother and sister would do that to me. They were the one who I thought are lot nicer, but maybe I was wrong to predict that. I couldn't be that cold hearted even to write about my siblings but the situation demanded and I couldn't hold back the weight of depression. I feel writing this here even if I don't share to other people would reduce the heavy feelings I have In my heart. I now understand what it meant to have broken wings and why people decide to take their own lives but I won't do that because I have to take revenge some day, yes for sure and i know that they won't be seeing this post but I really wish they knows about it someday. 

It seems like I am the only black sheep in my family. All the trust and the faith that they have towards me is shattered in just one go because my brother failed to understand and protect me. If only he could have kept it to himself, I won't be depressing and resenting him now. I am certain that I will never forgive him even if I wanted to. I think I won't be able to forget this moment, a moment where I managed to keep my eyes stay dry even though my heart aches. Honestly, I can't get an understanding of what and how I am feeling, I wonder if it means I am stronger than I thought. This kind of back and forth I had was something new because I never saw that thing coming. I may sound depressing but yes, I am depressed for the past few days and am unsure of how long will it take but I really wish someday I can start over again. This is how life is and I'd almost be willing to say I basically live on internet, I just watch everyone's perfect live pass by and envy every post of happiness and fulfillment. 

They seem almost fake though, I mean how could one constantly be happy and strong all the time? I can't do that anymore!